The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
