ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I wish you could order shots online.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
