I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
