I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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