I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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