There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
