In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
