Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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