We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Randomize
