I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
