I think im going to throw up on grandma
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Who died my cat blue again?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
