Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
