We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
