she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize