I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
i believe in u and ur pee
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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