I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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