i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
