i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
