so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
