Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
