..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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