so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
where are you?
Hypothermia
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
