The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
