Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Randomize