I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
