Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
