So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
