Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
