i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
