Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
