I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
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