New invention idea: vibrating tampons
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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