Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Tell her she can't have a vagina
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
