I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
