Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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