Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
