you guys were way drunker than both of me
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
