Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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