Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
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