I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
