dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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