why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Dear god my vagina.
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