we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
