Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
