Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Randomize
