I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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