Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Drake has all the answers
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
