also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize