Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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