he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize