i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
