and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
