The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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