I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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