it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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