Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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