mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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