Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
