I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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