Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
