I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
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