I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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