Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
