I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
