I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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